If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
