Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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