just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
