That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
