I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
