when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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