4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
