Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
