You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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