Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
