i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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