He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
