I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
