I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
