Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
