get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
