I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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