I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
