remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
