Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
