Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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