Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
