People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you never un-have a 4some
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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