closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
