this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
