I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost the right to judge tonight
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ruined the universe
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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