So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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