I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
