He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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