please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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