i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
