i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
