i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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