i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
