im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
