i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
