Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
