We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
