May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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