its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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