Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
