Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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