i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
