All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
