Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
