covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
