The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
