; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
