she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
