I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
