I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
