Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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