We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
