Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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