I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
