You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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