I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
