11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
