I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
