Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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