I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
