If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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