So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
