i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
