i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
