Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
