i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
