Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
